part b\ntake the provided sample paragraph and make improvements. you should make at least ten changes or…

part b\ntake the provided sample paragraph and make improvements. you should make at least ten changes or additions. highlight the sections you are going to change on the original paragraph to make your work clearer for assessment. (1 mark each (up to 10 in total)) for each observable improvement.\nshe ran like a deer being hunted, her pointy shoes clacking on the wet pavement. the sound shouted back to her from the shadows, echoing off the basement walls. her heart pounded against her lungs and she couldnt catch her breath. it was dark all around, except for the bright spotlight that was following her, and in her right hand she clutched a bundle of roses. the thorns pricked her palm, stinging and sticking, and a sweet perfume trailed from the blossoms. she was a target. she just didnt know why. her instinct told her that something serious would happen if she didnt keep moving.

part b\ntake the provided sample paragraph and make improvements. you should make at least ten changes or additions. highlight the sections you are going to change on the original paragraph to make your work clearer for assessment. (1 mark each (up to 10 in total)) for each observable improvement.\nshe ran like a deer being hunted, her pointy shoes clacking on the wet pavement. the sound shouted back to her from the shadows, echoing off the basement walls. her heart pounded against her lungs and she couldnt catch her breath. it was dark all around, except for the bright spotlight that was following her, and in her right hand she clutched a bundle of roses. the thorns pricked her palm, stinging and sticking, and a sweet perfume trailed from the blossoms. she was a target. she just didnt know why. her instinct told her that something serious would happen if she didnt keep moving.

Answer

Brief Explanations:

  1. Add more descriptive adjectives: "She ran like a terrified deer being hunted".
  2. Improve verb choice: "The sound reverberated back to her from the shadows".
  3. Add sensory details: "Her heart pounded violently against her lungs and she gasped for breath".
  4. Expand on the setting: "It was pitch - dark all around, except for the harsh, bright spotlight that was doggedly following her".
  5. Use more vivid language for the roses: "In her right hand she clutched a fragrant bundle of blood - red roses".
  6. Elaborate on the pain from the thorns: "The thorns pricked her palm sharply, stinging and sticking, sending jolts of pain through her hand".
  7. Add more context to "a target": "She was a prime target, a sitting duck in this eerie situation".
  8. Expand on her instinct: "Her primal instinct told her that a grave and menacing event would unfold if she didn't keep moving".
  9. Add a bit of internal thought: "She wondered in a panic why she was in this nightmare - like scenario".
  10. Improve the flow: "The sweet perfume of the blossoms wafted gently from the bouquet she held tightly".

Answer:

She ran like a terrified deer being hunted, her pointy shoes clacking sharply on the slick, wet pavement. The sound reverberated back to her from the inky - black shadows, echoing off the damp basement walls. Her heart pounded violently against her lungs and she gasped for breath. It was pitch - dark all around, except for the harsh, bright spotlight that was doggedly following her. In her right hand she clutched a fragrant bundle of blood - red roses. The thorns pricked her palm sharply, stinging and sticking, sending jolts of pain through her hand. She was a prime target, a sitting duck in this eerie situation. She just didn't know why. She wondered in a panic why she was in this nightmare - like scenario. Her primal instinct told her that a grave and menacing event would unfold if she didn't keep moving. The sweet perfume of the blossoms wafted gently from the bouquet she held tightly.