read fatimas paragraph. having moved up north just last year, i experienced my first snowstorm this past…

read fatimas paragraph. having moved up north just last year, i experienced my first snowstorm this past winter. at first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting. then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that i felt cocooned from the outside world. when the snow stopped, ice - coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth. which sentence will fatimas teacher most likely ask her to revise? having moved up north just last year, i experienced my first snowstorm this past winter. at first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting. then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that i felt cocooned from the outside world. when the snow stopped, ice - coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth.

read fatimas paragraph. having moved up north just last year, i experienced my first snowstorm this past winter. at first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting. then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that i felt cocooned from the outside world. when the snow stopped, ice - coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth. which sentence will fatimas teacher most likely ask her to revise? having moved up north just last year, i experienced my first snowstorm this past winter. at first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting. then, the snow became a curtain, blinding my view so that i felt cocooned from the outside world. when the snow stopped, ice - coated the trees and branches clacked like chattering teeth.

Answer

Brief Explanations:

The second sentence has a redundancy issue. It mentions "trees" twice - "dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting" and then again in the description of the snowy frosting on the trees. This can be made more concise.

Answer:

At first, the snow twirled gently, lightly dusting the street, cars, and trees with snowy frosting.