read the following excerpt from a student essay. how can the writer best improve his or her organization…

read the following excerpt from a student essay. how can the writer best improve his or her organization? there were 2,206 passengers aboard the titanic when the luxury ship hit an iceberg and sank on april 14, 1912. one was elsie bowerman, who was traveling to america to visit friends and family. she survived. bowerman was lucky; only 705 passengers made it into a lifeboat and was rescued. among the dead were architect washington roebling, author jacques futrelle, and fifty - six children. the sinking of the titanic remains one of the most famous maritime disasters in modern history. bowerman went on to fight for womens right to vote, serve as a nurse during world war i, become a lawyer, and work for the united nations. by finishing one topic before moving on to another by removing the sentence about bowermans luck

read the following excerpt from a student essay. how can the writer best improve his or her organization? there were 2,206 passengers aboard the titanic when the luxury ship hit an iceberg and sank on april 14, 1912. one was elsie bowerman, who was traveling to america to visit friends and family. she survived. bowerman was lucky; only 705 passengers made it into a lifeboat and was rescued. among the dead were architect washington roebling, author jacques futrelle, and fifty - six children. the sinking of the titanic remains one of the most famous maritime disasters in modern history. bowerman went on to fight for womens right to vote, serve as a nurse during world war i, become a lawyer, and work for the united nations. by finishing one topic before moving on to another by removing the sentence about bowermans luck

Answer

Brief Explanations:

El texto salta entre diferentes temas sin terminar de desarrollar ninguno. Terminando un tema antes de pasar al siguiente mejoraría la organización. La oración sobre la suerte de Bowerman es menos crucial para la organización general en comparación con el problema fundamental de la transición entre temas.

Answer:

by finishing one topic before moving on to another